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the fertile paradox Posts


so, someone needs to tell me why i’m awake at 4.28am on a saturday morning…

i was watching a movie about dietrich bonhoeffer’s resistance to the extermination of the jews in nazi germany, and i was moved by a number of things. the most striking thing about the movie for me was the juxtaposition of truth and deceit, evil and goodness, loyalty and betrayal, all in the same piece. many times, they were displayed in the same man. it made me think for a second: “how attached should we be to our lives as we know them now? exactly how precious should we hold this life? how far should we go to satisfy, or extinguish, the desires that naturally dwell inside of us? and what does it take to truly be ready to die?”

God has been allowing me to see the radical wickedness that dwells in my flesh at the same time that the Holy Spirit dwells in my body. the movie and all of its paradoxes made me think about how fear grips me from time to time, yet the Bible urges me to be resolute when trusting God with eternity. sometimes, fear grips me so much that i can’t even sleep (hence, the insanely late timestamp on this blog)… for me, true faith is the hardest thing; and time is what makes true faith uncomfortable. i know this is a journey that lasts a lifetime, but am i the only one who wants to experience eternity in this lifetime? sometimes i find myself wanting a preview from God concerning our transition from this life to the next; then i remind myself that faith does not demand an explanation from God, but that our belief and actions are not only hope but also evidence of the truths we have not experienced yet…

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